How could I make it through life without a sister?

S-I-S-T-E-R. 

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.

Kristine Sobil, my most beautiful sister. haha. my only sister.

i miss you this MUCH that i feature you in my post.

i remember when i was in college and you were in sixth grade, i happened to scan your notes and i was taken aback with what i've read. your journal entries shout so much anger and pain. you hated me so much. you even wished you have a different sister. i am hurt. who wouldn't be? i never knew that you have had an ill-will with the kind of relationship i had with Mama. i have tried to reach you out, sometimes we connected, but most of the times we clashed. there were square shoulders. cold wars. hapak. dukol. tuklod. bira buhok. hilak. bunalan/kasab-an dayun ta duha.

despite those clashes, of course since i am your sister, i am left with no choice but to love you. haha. love the unlovable! ;p

years passed, scenario's the same. we can get together, laugh together, eat together, watch movies together BUT the sun and moon will cry if we won't have a fight in a day. there were even times that i have shooed you away, but that doesn't mean that i love you less. and i know that even those times that you didn't want to talk to me, you love and care for me. chos!

when Mama was gone, i cried not only because of pain of loss but also because the only person i knew who will stand by me even in my darkest times will no longer be there. you know me, i am not that good. i am always judged wrongly. and the only person who saw the angel in me was Mama. losing her is like losing a home. a safe home. and it pained me wandering around like a stray dog searching for a safe place to hide in until we talked the other night. i've heard you cheering me up before, saying positive things about me and defending me. but the other night was different. that talk with you led me to a home i've been seeking for almost a year. biologically and chronologically, i am your ate but in many ways you've been an ate to me.

i just wanna thank you for laughing when i laugh and for crying when i cry.

Mama must be smiling right now. Ayun popo!