the last breath

people might think that i'm weak, a coward, and afraid to face life..

THINK TWICE!!!

I say, this would be the bravest thing i have to do --- ending my life, going against God's plan..

do you think i can plot a plan of ending my own life if i'm a weak and a coward?

mind you, it takes so much courage.. a great ounce of braveness..

i do not know if i can still see tomorrow, im not certain about the success of this plan, i just hope it will.

i wanna thank all the people who somehow helped me...

to those people who are quiet close in my heart - i am sorry i'll be disappointing you.. i know all of you have so much high regards on my capabilities, but i can no longer carry all these problems.. i'm now quitting... i am really sorry... my friends assessed me as a strong woman with a positive outlook in life, but there are things that pushed me on the negative side of horizon..
i also thought i can stay positive despite all the negative throw ins, but i was wrong..so now i'm quitting...

today might be the last day i'll breath...now, i'll enjoy the process before it stops.. tonight might be the last time i'll gonna see my star Sirius (self-acclaimed star), the brightest star. after posting this, i'll stare at it and enjoy its shine before darkness lurks in me...and it would probably my last post, unless ghost can still sign up and publish posts...creepy! when i got home, i will hug my mama very tight so that the tenderness and warmth of it will linger in her memory forever, i love my mama very much..

if spirits and ghost were true (i've got to find out soon), when i die i'm sure i'm gonna be a bad spirit, a ghost that will haunt people to death.. but for sure, i wont do it to those i love.. BUT those people in some way contribute a factor of my bitterness to the world would suffer my evilness!! bwahahaha!!! (evil laugh)..

i don't wanna pity myself because if i do i tend to hate the world. and when i hate the world, i can be evil.

i dont wanna hear people blaming the way my mama raised me as the girl i am now. it is my own decision to be me. she doesn't have anything to do about my decision now.. my mother is so kind, a very loving mother, a very patient lady.. how i wish to be like her, but im not.. so when im gone, i dont want to hear you saying that my mama didn't raise me well thats why i committed the crime.. she doesn't ask me to do it.. it is my plan, not hers...she doesn't even know about it..and if she knows, she will surely not let me do it.. so, don't blame mama for my being bad or else you will go after me.

mama is the reason why i live this long. if not for her, i've done this long before. i love mama so dearly that i can no longer bear the pain seeing her suffering, lonely and in pain. i can't bear to see the pain in her eyes.

goodbye...

hope to see familiar faces soon wherever death leads me..haha!