I wish...

i am taller.
6 inches more. HAHA :D if i am, i'm definitely not in here. i will surely join ALL the pageants and modelings.

i can drive.
i wanted to wander around the city on motorbikes. i'm jealous of the thrills those drivers experienced. the boy in me cries for this.

i had enough or more money and Mom is still around.
i so miss her. very much. everyday i tried to be okay. i kept on wearing this happy face. but i am still grieving. i wanted to sleep all the time 'coz in my dreams she's alive and we're happy. in my dreams everything is okay and colorful. now that she's gone, i feel like i'm a different person. now, all things taste the same - bland. i am not sad, i am not happy either.

they say 'everything happens for a reason'. but you know what, until now i have not understood the reason why it has to be this way. why everything has to be complex. every angle is complicated. i'm sick of it.


But i am smiling. :)

yes i am.

i feel like i don't have a choice but to be strong and i don't know what else to do.

i don't want to be miserable. i want a happy life. so despite all these complexities I SMILE :)