You!

Gotcha!

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid

To fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

Time stands still

beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything

Take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath,

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid,

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

Beautiful Friday

When Friday comes, I often – insensibly – exclaim ‘Thank God it’s Friday!’ 

But never did I mean it as much as NOW. Seriously, I really thank God today’s Friday. I thank God for this beautiful day. For a long time, I never ended a week this awesome! I can no longer remember when was the last time I concluded the week this great. 

Why not?

The sea breeze that kisses my cheeks wakes me up; the smile of the rising sun welcomes my sight, and the laughter of dear friends at such early hour warms my soul.

What a beautiful way to start the day!

The sentimental-me takes the day. Now, I am being reflective and thankful.

I feel like my heart would burst with so much gratefulness. 

Our God is a wonderful and great God. He simply knows what's best and not for us. And Oh! I so love and always am grateful on how He arranged people in our lives. Our every encounter is a blessing and has a purpose.

I love my parents so dearly.  Though I never grew up with a ‘normal’ family (I cannot straightly define what a normal family is, all I know is just ours isn't normal) but never did I wish to have different parents. God has a purpose for putting me in this circle.

My sister, she’s my best friend and enemy as well. I cannot imagined how lonely and alone my life would be if she were not born. As for now, she’s the reason I am fighting. 
Without her, what purpose would I have in this world?

Oh! Man, the highlight of my day. There is no moment in a day that I never think of him. 
I thank God so much for directing his path to mine. I’m praying that our paths must NOT be like a line tangent to a circle. 
Fingers-crossed.

Them. They are the people who care and the people I love. 
I cannot name them all for they are many. But surely, their names are uttered in my prayers. 
You guys are the showers from heaven and the light from sun to my garden, you nourish my very soul. 
You make my life more beautiful. 

Friendship. This is such a wonderful blessing. 
All the time we are surrounded by people, but being surrounded by friends, I mean real friends, is comforting but rare. 
And I am so blessed to be standing in the middle of warmth friendship. 
It is beyond nice  to be with people who accept you for what and who you really are. 
Laughing until tummy hurts is amazing. I would like to special mention Shyr, John and Jayson, you guys are like raindrops suspended in the sky. 
You scattered the plain white light to rainbow! 
And not only that, you also join me jump and laugh on the clouds.

CKC. Wew! I am thankful I am in CKC. FOR MANY REASONS. Aside from being my feeding bowl, here I found a second home. Somehow, CKC saved me from snake pit many times. I am always grateful for that.

I have so much to thank for. But I just have to cut it here; because if I am going to write them all, this list would not end and I must be writing my whole life.

Another realization I got from that reflective moment I just had…

Last night was like a break-away from a noisy world. I just realized it was all I needed after all. I've been lame and lazy for the past days. I feel so depreciated, uninspired and unmotivated. I feel tired even doing nothing. I was stagnant like chains were tied at my feet and stopped me from moving.

Now, I am revived!

Plus I got to visit Mama. This adds another happy and lighthearted feeling. 

Another plus! The happy-edgy jitters I’m feeling. I am so excited for Christmas! A family whom we will be spending Christmas this year is the earliest Christmas gift I received. 

I've been crossing out dates on my calendars, so looking FAST forward to meet and hug the pillows prepared for me. I just got the news that they’re all set to see me! (smiles)

Family, as always, is the ‘bestest’ best gift I’d always want to have. And God never failed to give me that. Oh! I must be a good girl. 

December 1 na gayud! Pasko na hapit.

Much love received, much more to give!

eet

I got a text message from The One (hopefully) asking who's that dude with me on the picture.

What picture? I asked. Then checked my facebook.

I posted several pictures. He never liked any. Even one.

I was tagged in a picture. I and a boy (space) friend. He liked it.

I dunno. My heart just skipped a beat.

Is he kinda jealous or what?

And oh! I smiled.

It's cute. My heart inflated.

Oh boy! Worry no no.

Miles apart are we but here in my heart you reside.

You won't lose me.

And I won't let you go. 


I LOVE YOU SO Private B!

Quirkiness

When it rains, bring an umbrella.

Behind every cloud are other clouds.

Better face danger than die as an old maid.

Eat danger for breakfast and defecate happiness.

Risks and dangers give life life.

You’ll never see what's on the other side if you won't cross the boundary. If the door is closed, climb on the window or jump over the fence!!!

If Only, Instead

If only I could paint a rainbow in the sky, I would.

If only I could stop the rain, I would.

If only I could shift the storm, I would.

If only I could catch the wind, I would.

If only I could push the air, I would.

If only I could bend the tree, I would.

If only I could reverse the time, I would.

If only I could stop the pain, I would.

If only I could cut the distance, I would.

If only I could fly, I would.

If only I could walk in the beam of light, I would.

If only I could touch the sun, I would.

If only I could fish the star, I would.

If only, I would.

Instead…

I will make a rainbow in my world.

I will dance in the rain.

I will sleep and eat and cuddle until the sun will come out again.

I will sail with the wind.

I will blow the air.

I will climb up and down the tree.

I will live my now and laugh my past away.

I will smile and kiss the pain.

I will enjoy the travel.

I will walk with a happy heart.

I will light my every steps and footprints left behind.

I will wrap people with love and tenderness.

I will make every moment counts.

When it’s hard to breathe through the nose,

Mouth brings into play.

Life is not easy; it never was and never will.

Savor the sweetness and sourness of it to unearth bliss.

Nosy Life

Sometimes I feel low for having less than what I wanted to have. But never did I feel unblessed. 

I am and will always be grateful to God for arranging my life this way.

Things, events and people in our lives do not just come and happen by chance. Every angles and sides of life has a reason and purpose. You fall for a reason. You slip for a reason. You fail for a reason. You hurt for a reason. You smile for a reason. You love for a reason. You live for a reason. And surely, you’ll die for a reason and with a purpose.

Some things, though, happened not the way we wanted them to be. And sometimes, which is so unlikely, we tend to put the blame on others. We find it hard to accept the failure and pain, so we resort on pointing the faults to others rather than embracing the misfortune.

Twenty-four years of existing and ten years (more or less?) of being responsible (aherm!) and independent (chos!) and almost two years as “head-of-the-family”, which now -only- consist of I and Sobil, taught me one thing: YOU BREATHE THROUGH YOUR OWN NOSE. 

Sounds funny and quirky, isn’t it? 

Yes, you breathe through your own nose. You cannot use someone else’s to take in oxygen nor in giving off carbon dioxide. Obviously, you live because you let yourself live – you breathe, you choose to live. When life gets tight and tough, when nose is clogged, you find it hard to breathe. You may take meds or use inhalers to ease the hitch – this is what we call assistance. Medicines and inhalers are our friends and the people who care. You cannot survive life without them; but, cynically, you yourself control your breathing.

The quality of life you’ll have depends on how you manage your breathing. When it’s hard to breathe through your nose, use your mouth! Please don’t die with just a simple cold. Survival is all about how you manage your strength. When getting weak, lean on your faith!

Breathe calmly. Breathing is an involuntary process; it is design that way. So, don’t try to hold your breath nor control it. Let it happen naturally. Pre-controlled life is but boring and ugly, and forced happiness is dry and exhausting.

And hey! Have you noticed the hairs in your nose? They’re called cilia – and they’re like our family and loved ones. What are those hairs for? They filter the air that we inhale. They screened and blocked colloidal particles suspended in the air. Somehow, they protect us from getting sick. Like our family and loved ones, they will do whatever, wherever, whenever and however they can to shield us from harm. Oh well! I thank God for giving me many nose hairs. 

Conversely, you cannot choose what time of the day or a specific place you will breathe, can you? No, you can’t. Same thing with your encounters in life; you cannot choose only those in favor and pleasing to you, you also have to, inescapably, smell and inhale the unwanted rubbish.

Good thing is air is everywhere!

Life is full surprises, and usually this is reason enough to stay positive during stressful times. Good things are right around the corner!

Smell the fragrance of life and breathe happiness and peace!
LET US BREATHE LIFE!

Feline Survival

The Nine Lives Theory of a Cat

Work as if you only have today,

Live as if you'll live forever.

It is a common belief that cats have nine lives; they seem to survive all accidents, and still they're alive and strong and healthy even without a HOME!

Nature provides cats with great sense of balance, so they can right themselves and land on all fours, a brilliant feat! They might start upside down in a free fall, but they make an incredible adjustment and land gracefully on all fours, with the shock of impact absorbed evenly so no harm is done (Mancuso, 2005).

Oh! I so adore cats. And yes, I am envious with their sense of balance. I wish I had the same power as theirs that when imbalance I can land safe and sound. Cats are mysterious and lovely!

Things I've Learned from Cats:

When there's work to be done, PITCH IN!

Enjoy life's little treasures.

One person's trash is another one's treasure.

If you are lost, remain calm and have faith that you'll be found.

If you cherish challenges and love to face the impossible, put your all into it and you'll come out just fine.

In life's darkest moment, never give up hope.

Love is crucial for survival.

No job is menial or without merit. Enjoy your work and give it your best efforts, every day, all day.

Be your own person.

Determination and perseverance will help you accomplish your goals.

How wonderful it is to feel protected and secure!

Love makes it possible to carry on despite everything.

Life is full surprises, and usually this is reason enough to stay positive during stressful times. Good things are right around the corner!

Taking care of yourself is important at every stage in life.

When I get tired and uninspired, like now :), I just read and reread these lines until my system's up.

Here I go again, lame and unprofessional. :( I hate this person.

Okay then, gotta get my ass movin'! Got loads of papers to be checked. 

Now, I am almost motivated. ALMOST.

Gettin' there!

Live Like You're Dying

"Live each day as if it is your last."

I often hear that line from motivational speakers, old folks and some friends. But it never hit me until last night. I dunno what jolted me to ponder about life and death. Maybe because I was alone -- after a long time--  and I missed Mama so much. Or am I dying? Oh! NO! Not now.

It has been over a year since she was gone, but it feels like she just left. Her laughter, her smiles, her hugs and kisses, her smell and her cries as well are still all so clear to me; however, everything is intangible. It's like catching air with my hands. I can feel it but I cannot hold it in my arms.

Death is certain, we just do not know when it will happen; my sister told me that when James, my other-half-cat, died. Painstakingly, it is true. Sure thing is we will all die. We just don't know our time.

What if you'll kiss this world good bye an hour from now? a day? a month? or a year?
Are you ready? Won't you have any regrets?

Have you been true to yourself? How far have you gone in your bucket list? Do you even have one?

Live each day as if it is your last.
Personally, this means... You must live life with no inhibitions. No inhibitions, no what ifs.
Live life in its simplest form. When hungry, eat. When sleepy, sleep. When tired, rest. When bored, sing. Seriously? haha :D

Time is gold. A common quote. We often hear it or even say it. But have you even try musing over its meaning? Now, why don't you ask yourself this question, "How much time do I still have?" Can you answer that? Certainly, not. Indeed, time is precious.

If time is precious, why waste it to unimportant things? Why waste time hating instead of loving? Why waste time fooling around? Why waste time holding grudges? Why waste time breaking rules/laws? Why waste time? It shouldn't be wasted to nonsense things. Instead, time must be used to do good things, to make good things better, to make happy happiest, to improve, to laugh, to help, to care, to teach, to nurture, to reach out, to love, TO LIVE.

Time must be lived accordingly. Live with the present. You can no longer undo what has been done in the past nor you cannot control what will happen in the future. Instead of crying over the pains of the past or worrying about the future, live your now as happy as you can be.

Each of us has our OWN choice how to dance in the music of life. You can have an upbeat rhythmn, slow rock, reggae, rhythmn and blues or just dance with the hum of the wind. The bottom line is ---- have you been living life pleasing to Him? Would you be happy and proud and excited to see Him? Or would you still want to barter extra time to do things you're suppose to do and/or to finish unsettled business?

Now that you are still around reading this.. what's in your mind?

Make a bucket list and start living your dreams :)
And always, ALWAYS align your wants/wishes/dreams with His.
AND ALSO, be grateful with whatever, how little or much, you have. You are blessed!

be full not fool

“One should not attend even the end of the world without a good breakfast.” 

― Robert A. Heinlein, Friday

Love's HIGH & low

Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. It may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of eros, to the emotional closeness of familial love, to the platonic love that defines friendship, or to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love, or to a concept of love that encompasses all of those feelings. 

This is how wiki defines L-O-V-E.

Love's definition, somehow, varies from person to person; it usually depends on how and how much a person received love and how his/her love is being received. People may regard love differently, but sure thing is we live because we love and we are loved.

Love comes in different forms; the love you feel towards your family, friends, possessions, place, work, career, hobby, yourself and someone or whatever else you love. And hey when we talk about love, you will always have this special spot in your brain about ‘the one’. There is always this someone, a love to special someone. And you may admit it or not, this kind of love is the rarest love of all. In my case, I do admit it. No point of denying, it’s obvious, very obvious. Haha :D 

This kind of love makes you high. It makes you happy and inspired. Science says it has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine. Oh well, this explains my being euphoric all the time. Parang adik lang!

Why do we feel good when we are in love?

Hmmnn.. We usually connotes whatever we feel emotionally as something as matter of the heart. But truly and scientifically, this has something to do with how our brain processes and reacts with hormones and chemicals.

When in love, you feel good and may be happiest mainly because of Dopamine and Serotonin. The combination of the two makes you feel exhilarating. Dopamine, released by the hypothalamus, stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It also increases your energy and makes you need less for sleep and food. While Serotonin, released in the gut, contributes to feelings of well-being and happiness.

Well then, lemme’ say… Oh boy, I love you with all my hypothalamus and gut. Yayks! Sounds gross but that’s the truth. Whatever we feel, it’s all in the brain not at heart.

Babababababbbbuuuuttttttt….

If love is as exciting as a circus ride, why does some affair ends?

If it gives both the lover and the loved one a ‘high’ feeling of bliss, why does some relationship fails?

At the start, lovers can’t get enough of each other, but why do they end up saying bad things about their relationship?

It is sad when you hear heaven-made (or you thought so) relationships turned sour. Much worst if it was yours.

As we live, we continually give love and receive love. It is in loving that we are living. To love with all one’s heart and one’s whole being is the greatest human capacity, I believed. It is in loving that we find meaning of life. It is in loving that we are motivated to work. It is in loving that we survived even the impossible and hardest battles in life. It is in loving that we smile. It is in loving that we help. It is in loving that we care. It is in loving that makes what and who we are what and who are.

If loving is all these good things; why do we have to feel pain? Why does pain have to break in?

Because life is life. You have to taste all the flavors to savor life's goodness.

"NINDOT MAN SAD NG MAKAAGI KA'G BATI NA RELATIONSHIP PARA KUNG MAABOT NAJUD ANG RIGHT ONE, MAS MA APPRECIATE NIMO, MAS MA VALUE NIMO."

~quote & quote from PeanutBitter.

I paused for a while and think over the quoted line above. Somehow, it’s true. How will you know the best if you haven’t seen the worst?

At some point of our life, we loved and been hurt or we are loved and we hurt. 

You may be hurt so much before, but that doesn't give you the ticket to hurt someone who loves you now.

Be not be bitter with love. For its purpose is not to soiled you but to give your life a color. 

Love stories are not the same all the time as lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. If you have been hurt, maybe it is now your time to be loved genuinely. Don't hold back. Be brave to take risks. And if you love the love that loved you, appreciate it! Say something. Yes, I agree to "Action speaks louder than words". But I tell you, words without actions are sometimes confusing. Love, no matter how secure it is, also needs reassurance from time to time. It is not only action nourishes the relationship, words also do! 

Live. Love. Laugh.

Even if I don't believe in destiny, it sometimes seems that certain things are meant to be. Like how I met him. Haha. It was never planned. But I'd like to believe that it was written in the stars.

I thanked God for directing my way to cross his path. Echus!

After those low blows, I am now on high! yeah! adik.

Thanks Inspiration!

Young Love

One afternoon as I was enjoying my free time at the faculty room, a student approached me and politely asked if I could give her paper to her subject teacher. I said okay then she handed it down to me. I looked at the paper and I was literally choked with the title of her composition. It is nothing but catchy, fiery and so wagas. When I asked her if she may allow me to read the whole writings, she timidly smiled her approval. 

But this time I have not asked her permission to post her thoughts in my wall. (Will I be sued for this?)

Well, this write-up you’ll about to read is an adorned whining of an unrecognized and unrequited love of a second year high school student.
A SHE.
Her name will not be made known for the purpose of confidentiality.

Here it is. I hope you enjoy as much as I did. :)))

GUGMANG GIATAY (ooopppssss!)

Akong problema karun kay about sa lovelife. Nasakitan ko kay nagtinarung ko nga uyab sa iya na ang iyang gibuhat nako kay murag wala lang sa iya. Mura ra gihapon mi ug dili uyab. Iyang gi-promise nako nga dili ko niya binuangan pero wala niya nabuhat. Nasakitan lang ko kay na-busy ko ug hunahuna niya, unya siya kay na-busy pud ug hunahuna sa lain. Kung nakabalo lang ko na in-ani siya, maypag wala na lang nahitabo nga nagkaila mi. Ang ako lang gusto sa among relasyon kanang seryoso, dili bitaw dula-dula. Pero sa karun na wala nami, dili na lang sa ko mag-uyab-uyab. Kay mao lang gihapon ang paingnan masakitan ra ko. Pero wala pa jud ko ingun nga perfectly naka-recover kay nasakitan jud ko sa iyang gibuhat. Nagsalig siya nga gwapo siya, nga daghan agpakagusto niya. Kanang usahay magkita mi sa pantalan, mawalaan ko ug gana makigstorya niya kay feeling kaayo siya sa iyang kaugalingon.

Nasuko ko sa iyang gipangbuhat. Sayun ra siya moingun ug sorry. Dili pa nako siya mapasaylo sa karun.

Kelangan nga magtarung sa jud ko ug skwela. Dili sa ko mag-uyab-uyab para walay hunahuna-on. Ga-sakit-sakit lang na. Muabot ra man pud ang time nga pwede nako ana. Ayha na basta makahuman na ug skwela.

Atimana teeeeee! Nalingaw kos 'Na busy ko'g hunahuna nya, pero sya na-busy pud ug hunahuna sa lain." HAHA :DDD

hhhhhmmmnnnn... busy dadtow!!!

Maayo ning conclusion nimo Badat :) Skwela sa jud. Di man sab mo bagay adto niya. Haha. (sour-graping)
Gwapa ka. Tinuod na.
Dili kelangan nga naa kay uyab arun musikat ka sa skul. Dili kelangan naa kay uyab arun apil sa 'trending'. Ug labaw sa tanan dili nimo kelangan manguyab arun ma-enjoy nimo imong high school life. Ayaw'g ka-pressure sa imong mga friends nga naay uyab. Sila man na. Kung amiga jud nimo na silang tinuod, makasabot na sila dapat. 
It doesn't mean that you flock together you are the same birds. Gets? 

Do you have any question? None. Good. 

Good bye class!

Trolley!

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” 

We three! The Trolley Bs! :) (Xanette, Shyr, Jays)

How could I make it through life without a sister?

S-I-S-T-E-R. 

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.

Kristine Sobil, my most beautiful sister. haha. my only sister.

i miss you this MUCH that i feature you in my post.

i remember when i was in college and you were in sixth grade, i happened to scan your notes and i was taken aback with what i've read. your journal entries shout so much anger and pain. you hated me so much. you even wished you have a different sister. i am hurt. who wouldn't be? i never knew that you have had an ill-will with the kind of relationship i had with Mama. i have tried to reach you out, sometimes we connected, but most of the times we clashed. there were square shoulders. cold wars. hapak. dukol. tuklod. bira buhok. hilak. bunalan/kasab-an dayun ta duha.

despite those clashes, of course since i am your sister, i am left with no choice but to love you. haha. love the unlovable! ;p

years passed, scenario's the same. we can get together, laugh together, eat together, watch movies together BUT the sun and moon will cry if we won't have a fight in a day. there were even times that i have shooed you away, but that doesn't mean that i love you less. and i know that even those times that you didn't want to talk to me, you love and care for me. chos!

when Mama was gone, i cried not only because of pain of loss but also because the only person i knew who will stand by me even in my darkest times will no longer be there. you know me, i am not that good. i am always judged wrongly. and the only person who saw the angel in me was Mama. losing her is like losing a home. a safe home. and it pained me wandering around like a stray dog searching for a safe place to hide in until we talked the other night. i've heard you cheering me up before, saying positive things about me and defending me. but the other night was different. that talk with you led me to a home i've been seeking for almost a year. biologically and chronologically, i am your ate but in many ways you've been an ate to me.

i just wanna thank you for laughing when i laugh and for crying when i cry.

Mama must be smiling right now. Ayun popo! 

IMY :/

I miss you when there's no reason, how much more if there is?

I miss you more when you text/call, how much more if you don't?

I miss you after i see you, how much more if i see you never?

I miss you now, how much more later?

What shall I do with all the days and hours

That must be counted till I see your face?

How shall I charm the interval that lowers

Between this time and that sweet time of grace? 

like a bird

When I'm free, I've got nothing to lose.

Sometimes having too much of what you want can make you paranoid. You are too afraid that someday you might lose any of it. And with that feeling, you tend to be so over possessive, unknowingly you are smothering them to death.

On the other hand, having none is like a bird. Flying aimlessly in the wilderness. Just enjoying whatever's on the way. No worries. No fears of losing something.

I just love this feeling. Oh, I wanna be a bird forever. :))

mushy messy thingy

I know I am not so in tune with myself when my stuffs are higgledy-piggledy tossed everywhere.

And I just realized that it has been like these for more than a month.

WEW! Now I'm feeling that I have gathered myself back, so I'm up for a general cleaning.

I think this place needs to be overhauled.

Ice cold coffee for an energy boost. XOOM!

I've been adrift for quite some time and now I am on the edge of an abyss. I don't know if this is better.


Oh, I'm lost in the middle.
.
.
.
.
I am lost.




I've done things I am not proud of.


How I wish I could undo them. But I can't. 
I'm trying to forget as much as deal with them.


But the situation always comes back like a boomerang. It's the same old story again.


This scenario is hellish. This feeling of nothingness is absurd.


How can I go away from here?


I don't like this person I am now. unorganized. lame. heartless. useless.

I want to change. 

To be someone else but this unorganized, lame, heartless and useless person.

I will be.  So help me God.

And my prayer, too!

Cat's Prayer

I hope I'm not asking too much, Lord;
All I want is a home of my own,
And to know when my next meal is coming
Instead of the scraps I get thrown.
I've been out in the cold for so long now,
Just coping as best as I can;
But it's not been so long I've forgotten
The touch of a soft caring hand.
I look in house windows at Christmas,
As cats doze by the fire, quite replete;
How I'd welcome a box in the kitchen,
And tasty food for me to eat.
For me there was tinsel and giftwrap,
But the fun didn't last very long.
They put me outside with the rubbish;
I still don't know what I did wrong.
I really don't want to be greedy;
At the moment I'm all skin and bone,
So would it be too much to hope for
That someone will give me a home?

Author Unknown